Afraid to give in
by Muizeke83
Summary: Kathryn's fear of giving in to her feelings for Chakotay.


Afraid to give in

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Rated: K

Spoilers: None

Summary: Kathryn's fear of giving in to her feelings for Chakotay.

Disclaimer: Star Trek and its characters are a Registered Trademark of Paramount/CBS, but this story is all mine! BDC 2010

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Chakotay stood in front of her desk, looking at her, not knowing what to say next.

She just sat there, looking down at her hands as they lay in her lap.

It looked like she was about to say something, but she shook her head and stood up, walking over to the window.

He followed her with his eyes, still waiting for her to continue.

Kathryn remained quiet, one hand on her hip, the other rubbing her forehead, still looking for the right words.

"I get that it shouldn't have happened and I normally wouldn't push it…" he started, but she immediately interrupted him.

"Why are you then." she said and turned around to face him.

She was almost pleading with her eyes for him not to go there, but he did.

"Cause, as far as I could tell, it wasn't just me kissing you. You kissed me too." he finished.

She closed her eyes, remembering what had happened the night before.

"Unless I totally misread the situation?"

She shook her head.

"No, you're right. I _did _kiss you. There was nothing one-sided about it."

"So I'm not crazy then?"

He took a step forward, placing his hands on the railing.

"No, you're not, but I think I might be. This is why it's so hard for me."

"I knew I would start to get feelings for you, but deep down it still feels like I'm betraying Mark."

"And more importantly, I'm the Captain. I can't get involved with a member of my Senior Staff."

She covered her face with her hands to try and shake of the emotions that enveloped her.

She stepped forward and placed her hands on his.

"The truth is, I can't stop thinking about you. And what might have happened if I hadn't left last night." she said, barely a whisper.

They looked at each other for a moment.

"So, where do we go from here?" Chakotay asked.

"Nowhere! This can't happen again."

She pulled away her hands to turn around again, but he caught one and made her face him again.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Kathryn, it's not healthy." he raised his voice.

"We're a long way from home, Mark has moved on. You can't keep hiding in your quarters, just to avoid me."

He looked at her compassionately, gently caressing her palm with his thumb.

"Do you have a better idea." she smiled sadly.

He pulled her down the two steps and took her other hand in his as well.

"Yes, let me make you dinner. Nothing special. Enjoying each other's company, nothing more."

"Maybe we could finish this conversation as two grown-up adults. We can at least manage that, can't we?"

She thought it over for a second.

"Okay, just dinner!"

He smiled and let go of her hands.

She tilted her head and smiled a half crooked smile herself.

He left the ready room as she looked out the window again.

* * *

_Dinner was lovely and they stopped talking ages ago._

_ Kathryn was looking at him, sparkles in her eyes and the most lovingly smile glued to her face. _

_She felt like she was drowning in his beautiful brown eyes. He simply smiled back._

"_I'll get desert." she said and walked over to the replicator, ordering two bowls of coffee ice-cream. _

_She waited for them to materialize, while Chakotay recycled the dishes._

_He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. _

_He kissed her shoulder softly, barely touching it. _

_A chill went right through her. _

_He brushed away her hair and kissed her on her favorite spot behind her ear. _

_She closed her eyes and let go of the bowls. _

_She turned around, her hands on his cheeks, pulling him in for a kiss._

_

* * *

_

Something startled her and she immediately came out of her daydream.

Her chest tightened and she felt weird, tears stinging her eyes.

She taps her commbadge.

"Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"I have to cancel for dinner tonight."

It hurt her to let him down.

"Sure you don't just want to pop over?"

She heard the disappointment in his voice.

"It's just… It would be good to talk some more."

"I don't feel very well. I have this terrible headache, which won't seem to go away. I think I'll go to bed early to try to sleep it off."

She had to fight back the tears that were forming.

"You do that. Sleep well, Kathryn. I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight."

He closed the transmission and she felt a silent tear running down her cheek.

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The end!


End file.
